Alice Winters-The Hitman’s Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love

Oh my ducklings, have I got the most wonderful treat for you today. It is the most ridiculously wonderful and wonderfully ridiculous book I have read in a while. I was initially attracted to it because of the title, I mean, The Hitman’s Guide to Making Friends and Finding Love, what’s not to like about that? But once I started reading, I just couldn’t put it down. I laughed until I cried more than once. My poor long-suffering husband gave me funny looks. I’m definitely going to have to read more Alice Winters if this is the way that all her books are.

Leland is known as the Sandman. He’s a notorious hitman, and he always leaves a little note with his kills. Right now, he’s staking out a house so that he can kill a scummy human trafficker. Then, he sees a guy jump over a fence, get his pants caught on the fence, and dangle, bare-assed, for the world to see. Leland pretty much decides he’s in utter love, right then and there. So, he does what any self-respecting assassin does, and leaves a love note on his car.

Jackson is a very by-the-books PI. He was in the military and now he has his own PI agency. Right now, he’s trying to find the guy who is a terrible human trafficker. The father of one of the girls that want missing hired him. Jackson also works with the police, when he can, and the local police chief is his friend, in fact he sees him as a father figure. So, when he goes down to his car and sees a note from the Sandman, the first thing he does is talk to Henry. He tells him that he thinks he might have a lead on the scuzzball, and then shows him the note. Henry warns him about the Sandman and says he might be a target. Well, he totally is a target, but Leland doesn’t want to shoot him with his gun, if’n you know what I mean.

Leland and Jackson are so funny together. Jackson works so hard to ignore Leland no matter what. Leland just flirts heavily with Jackson. Of course, his way of flirting involves doing things like shooting a soda can sitting next to Jackson when they are both on a stakeout or breaking into the backseat of Jackson’s car, surprising him and sticking his finger in Jackson’s ear. Leland is really like that 10 year old kid who likes you, but he isn’t quite sure how to let you know, so he’s just terribly awkward and over the top. But funnier. Much funnier. So much funnier.

Of course, this book isn’t all fun and games. There are serious bits. People get hurt. Things happen. There’s a bad guy who has to be stopped. There’s a relationship to build and vacuum cleaners to kill.

I just loved this book so much, and I’m really hoping that there are going to be more in the series, because it really was a perfect mix of humor, love, action, suspense, ridiculousness, and wonderfulness. Just a great book. I’m going to have to check into more Alice Winters books to see if this is her typical touch, because if it is, I’m going to enjoy myself a lot.

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OMG, the family reunion is just soooooo funny. Jackson’s mom really got what she deserved there. I never liked her, the bitch.

OK, that’s all for today. Go check it out. I guarantee that you will laugh. Happy reading!

Ana B. Starr-Omega of Sathion

Today, we get two of my favorite things. It’s a new Omegaverse story and I get to introduce you to a brand new author! We know how I love those things, right? Ana has written Omega of Sathion, which isn’t just O-verse, it’s also scifi, and stars humans who have no clue who they are, space pirates, and assorted other aliens.

So, Faye is a young woman who is on the verge of death. She is fighting off another bout of cancer. She’s already lost her legs to it, but that wasn’t enough, now she’s about to lose her life. But her doctor, who’s been hooking up with her mother, tells her mom that he has a way that she can keep living. It turns out that he is an alien, called a Pleiadian. They have been coming to Earth for a while to try to help humans along. Anyway, he can cure her cancer and give her legs back. The only problem is that she will officially be dead, so she’s going to have to go to a colony on a planet called Sathion. Many humans are already there, and they are trying to give it a good go. She agrees, because life on another planet is better than death from cancer, and it’s kind of exciting anyway.

Two long years later, after her legs have grown back, it’s time for her to go out to space and begin her journey to Sathion. She’s learned all she needs to know about the planet, gotten a universal translator, and is totally raring to go. But, sadly, that’s not where this journey is about to end up.

You see, space pirates capture her ship, take her and her friend, tell them they are Omegas, whatever the hell that is, and that they are going to be the crew’s toys.

Faye is a very determined young woman. She has had to be. I mean, think about what she’s gone through. She has a spine of steel, and she isn’t about to bend at all. She’s going to do what she needs to do to do what she wants. She wants to get to Sathion. She knows that’s where her life is going to be, because that’s where it has to be. So, she’s going to manage to get there, somehow.

I really do like Faye a lot. I like that stubbornness. I don’t know if it’s part of her natural personality or if it’s a learned behavior from everything that she’s had to go through in her life. Because either way would work for me, and really either way would work for Faye, I think. I think she totally deserves her happiness and someone to love and cherish her.

You’ll notice, I’m sure, that I didn’t mention anything about Alphas or males or anything, other than when I said something about space pirates. There are reasons for that. Am I going to tell you those reasons? Nope. I’m mean that way. LOLOLOL.

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I don’t trust the Pleiadians. I think there is something off about them. I’m going to be eagerly awaiting the series to see what more comes out about them.

OK, that’s all I have to say about this one. Hit up the Zon and check it out! Happy reading!

 

The Dynamic Duo-Marry Me, Daddy

So, new month, new Daddy from the Dynamic Duo. Marry Me, Daddy was a lot of fun to read, and I loved everything that happened in it.

We have a bazillionaire named Spencer who has a month to find a suitable wife or he loses his grandfather’s company. He really doesn’t need the company, since he is super duper rich on his own, but it’s the whole principle of the matter. It’s his grandfather’s company. So he does what every self-respecting bazillionaire does, and puts up some billboards advertising for a wife. What, you never saw a billboard like that? There’s just one small glitch, because of course there is, and that’s that some copycat decided to put up their own billboard, and Spencer got all his applicants.

Meanwhile, across town, we have Anna, one of our Dirty Dozen, who loves working at the coffee shop, even though she hates coffee. She knows all her regulars, knows what they want to drink, and will stop and chat with them wherever they are. There’s a techy type who comes in a couple of times a week, gets coffee and pound cake, then sits in the corner and works on his computer. Anna doesn’t know much about him, until she sees his face and name on a billboard on her way to book club.

The next day, he comes into the coffee shop, talks to Anna, and all of a sudden, we have proposal #1.

This is a marriage of convenience story, but it almost feels like a comedy of errors a lot of the time. There are a couple of times when it seemed like the most catastrophic thing that could happen does happen. Without those mistakes, it wouldn’t be as funny, though. And really, with some of them, I have to wonder if they are truly mistakes or were they maybe a sign from the gods? Or was Jasper’s luck working in a weird way?

I like Spencer, even if his last name is ridiculous. I loved seeing how he felt when it came to the Dirty Dozen. I would think that the ladies would be overwhelming at the very best of times.

I really liked Anna, and how she all of a sudden came out of her shell. Definitely riskier than a bean burrito. She’s also very caring and rather tricksy when necessary. I like her little sneaky bits.

 

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I love everything that happens in the end. Because all the things happen.

That’s all I have to say on this one. Go check it out! Happy reading!

The Dynamic Duo-May Day Daddy

We’re back to the Daddy of the Month Club again, and May Day Daddy¬†marks the 25% mark. Lisa is the 3rd one down, only 9 more to go, and I’m looking forward to them. I want to see who gets taken down next. I’m rooting for it to be Belle.

Lisa works from home, so the book club meets at her house, where they always get new margarita flavors and Lisa’s homecooked goodies. (note: I work from home, and on a good day I’m in jammie pants, hair in a messy bun, and bleary eyed from staring at the computer screen too long. Lisa is doing so much better than me.) (although I wouldn’t turn down some strawberry margaritas.) (or homecooked goodies.) (how many sets of parentheses can I put in one blog?) Anyway, on one book club night, her friend Belle comes dashing in and tells Lisa that she just sold a house to a sort of famous person who Lisa would totally know who it is, but she can’t tell Lisa yet. So Lisa, being, you know, human and curious, stares outside the window every day until she sees her new neighbor. He’s an MMA guy named Mack, who goes by May Day, and hey, guess what day he moves into his new house? You guessed it, May Day.

Mack is trying to find some place where he can be out of the limelight. So, he decides that he’s going to buy a house in a small town, far away from where he works, and hopefully, far, far, far away from the paparazzi, and even further than that away from his horrible ex-wife. He’s pretty sure that he has a good chance right now. After the movers have left, and his house is all set up, he decides to get comfy, strips down to his purple briefs, and grabs a beer. Then, he’s stuck with the worst case of ding-dong-ditch ever. I mean, this is even worse than flaming dog shit. OK, maybe it’s not overall bad, but it’s definitely surprising. And right on the heels of that event, Lisa shows up with a May Day basket for her new neighbor. Perfect timing.

This has Ally and Ray’s perfect touch of humor. It’s funny, but not heavy-handed. They aren’t whacking you over the head and saying hey, joke here, laugh. Instead, they set up the situations and let you find the humor in them. I’m not saying that there aren’t obvious jokes, because they are, they just aren’t heavy-handed. And I’m choosing to think that eating onion rings off a cock is a total joke, because otherwise, umm…

I like Lisa and Mack, and this is pretty instalove, but it works really well in their situation and with their personalities. I don’t think that a longer relationship or a slow burn would work as well for them.

I can’t wait for next month’s book.

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Heh, the bitch got exactly what she deserved, and I cackled.

OK, that’s all I have to say about this one. Go check it out! Happy reading!

 

The Dynamic Duo-Fool Me, Daddy

The Dynamic Duo are back. And if Ally and Ray are the Dynamic Duo, do I want to know which one is Batman and which one is Robin? And speaking of things to know, did you know that chalupas are real Mexican food and not just Taco Bell Mexican? The things you learn when you are writing a blog. Also, dorks are not whale penises. Now, some of them might act like whale dicks, but that’s all personality. Speaking of whale dicks, there’s an Isabella Rossellini animal sex video where she dresses up as a blue whale’s dick.¬† Hang on, let me reset the ramble switch, I’ve obviously overloaded it today.

Fool Me, Daddy is the second book in Ray and Ally’s romcom Daddy of the Month series. We’re back with the Dirty Dozen and their wild book club. There is a little overlap in time between this one and the first one, but you don’t have to have read that one to understand what’s going on in this one, and the only reason that you know that there’s any overlap is because Laura mentions something about getting an update on Keely.

Laura has a best friend named Eli. He’s an up and coming rock star, he knows more about her than anyone else, and they are so close that he can predict what she will do. In short, he’s the perfect man. Except for one.tiny.thing. He’s gay. Or at least she’s 1000000% sure he is. He hasn’t come out to her yet, but she’s sure that he will any second now. He will be in town for a weekend for a family thing, and he’ll be staying with her. When she tells the Dirty Dozen, they tell her that she’s probably wrong about him being gay, and she should totally bring him to the next meeting.

Eli has been in love with Laura pretty much since he understood what being in love meant. But he’s been stuck in the friendzone for years, no matter how many hints he’s dropped or how much he’s flirted with her. Of course, what he doesn’t know is that she thinks he’s gay. It makes it hard for her to get with him if she thinks that he likes sausage more than he likes tacos.

OK, I have to say that there were times that I was embarrassed on Laura’s behalf, especially since I knew that he wasn’t gay. I wanted to just grab her by the hand and say oh, sweetie, chill out a second and maybe listen to your friends. OTOH, I also feel really sorry for her because she’s so in love with him and it makes her sad. Generally, I like her. I think that she has a good heart and is loyal to her friends, and is endlessly funny.

Eli is a good guy too. He’s done everything he can to make Laura realize that he likes her, except, for you know, tell her about it. They definitely have a communication problem. If only they would’ve talked to each other about their feelings long before they did, it would have been a short book.

I love Eli going to book club and talking to the ladies about what they like about the books.

I can’t wait for the next installment!

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I loved the big spanking scene! That was hilarious!

And speed dating? Yeah, that was a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

OK, that’s all about this one. Go check it out! Happy reading!

 

The Dynamic Duo-Good Luck Daddy

Forget Batman and Robin. The real Dynamic Duo are Rayanna Jamison and Allysa Hart. How do I know this? Well because Batman and Robin never gave me anything like Good Luck Daddy to read. If they want to rectify their error, they can get right on it. As long as it isn’t the Ben Affleck, Val Kilmer, or George Clooney Batman, and definitely not the Chris O’Donnell Robin. Protip: Nipples on body armor are just wrong. I hope Jasper’s body armor didn’t have nipples.

This is the first book of Ray and Ally’s Daddy of the Month books. They are romcoms. Yeah, I know, you probably never expected me to read some romcom, but if Ray and/or Ally write it, I will read it. And I really enjoyed it too. I love me some humor. I also liked that it didn’t lose its kinky edge. Kink and humor aren’t mutually exclusive.

The books focus on a bunch of girlfriends who have a book club where they tend to read a lot of romance books. Sexy romances. Daddy romances. Sexy, Daddy romances. Do you get the idea? LOL. Each book is going to focus on a different woman from the book club and her journey to her HEA and her perfect Daddy. Today’s book is Keely and Jasper.

Keely is currently alone in the world and suffering some serious bad luck. Six months ago, her brother was KIA. His best friend, Jasper, who was also in his unit, didn’t come home for the funeral. So, she hates him. Even though she also loves him. On the morning her car is getting repoed, Keely has finally just about hit bottom. She goes into her brother’s room, lays on his bed and then cries her eyes out. That’s when Jasper shows back up in her life, and she promptly spits in his face.

Jasper has just left the military. He’s spent his time there, and he’s just done with it now. He doesn’t have any family left. He just had his best friend and his little sister, Keely. He’s been watching Keely for years, because yeah, she’s hot and he cares for her and wants her. But, she’s off limits, no matter what. Even dead, the bro code stands. So, when he gets out, he goes to the only home he has, Keely’s house. When he finds out how bad her luck has been, he says maybe he will bring her good luck because he is a walking good luck charm.

I felt so sad for Keely. I’ve lost family members too. That grief can just make it hard to do anything and to get anything going. Then things start to just snowball. Something small will happen, but it’s more than you can deal with, and then it just gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger. That’s where Keely is, and it’s a hard place. I also like her. When we see her and not her grief, she’s sassy and snarky. She’s kind and loving, and she’s deeply loved by her friends.

Jasper is kind of a jerk sometimes and kind of not. I mean, I get his POV, bro code and everything, but there’s also the fact that Keely is an adult and even if her brother were there, she’d be the one to make the decision as to who she wants to be with, not her brother. So, he’s not trusting her to make her own decisions, see, jerky. OTOH, he’s there to help her out when she needs the help and it’s obvious that he cares about her, even outside of wanting to spank her ass and then fuck it, so not jerky. He’s a conundrum, but, seriously men, right?

I love the chapter titles and I love the easter egg that I found. I can’t wait for April’s book!

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OMG, the way that Jasper walked away after they had sex the first time? Super jerk, right into megaprick range.

And the pants off-off? I was laughing my ass off.

OK, that’s all for this one. Go check it out! Happy reading!